So. A ‘freight train’ of ‘charged particles’ from ‘extreme ultraviolet wavelengths’ bombards the earth in ‘coronal mass injection’. That’s what just happened, friends.

But the BBC are confident that this solar activity has had – and I quote – ‘minimal effects’. Minimal. Effects.

I’m no scientist, but does that sound right to you? Listen to these words: ‘extreme ultraviolet wavelengths’ ‘coronal mass injection’. Do they sound good to you? The coronal episodes release superhot gases across the solar system and when they collide with the earth’s electromagnetic field, they cause solar storms. SOLAR STORMS. Yep, that’s right. Every day is a Northern Lightshow. It’s a distortion in the fields protecting this planet. And that’s minimal? Come on!

Because let’s remember: that’s what they said on 9 November when Asteroid 2005 YU55 was involved in a near-miss with the planet earth. Can it really be true that an interstellar object the size of a skyscraper can pass by the earth – closer than the moon – without any effects at all? Because, oh what?, gravitational force suddenly doesn’t effect us any more? Forgive me, BBC but the tides outside my window say different.

And so does the wave of unexplained disappearances that is sweeping the country.

Rising violence in Syria? The BBC’s all over it (rightly).

Ordinary folk vanishing into the ether? The BBC has a complete news blackout.

They’re not even acknowledging my emails! What about the Charter? What about Lord Reith?

Let’s not forget: there’s more out there than we know but there’s more happening on earth than we know, too.